sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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