my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
