You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
