Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
