I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
