I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
