there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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