alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
