Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
