I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
