i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Vodka?
Forever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
