Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
