I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
