last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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