I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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