We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
