between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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