Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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