I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize