his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
