you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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