Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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