apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize