just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
