that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
