as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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