So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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