Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Randomize
