Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
