When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
