Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
