you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
