waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
