Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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