ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
