Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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