Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Randomize
