i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
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My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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