Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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