My sheets look like a crime scene.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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