The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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