Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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