Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
