Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
