i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm at about main and main street
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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