We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My life is pants optional.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
