HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Randomize
