so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
