hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
