Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
