a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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