You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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