While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
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we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
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Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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