census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
