...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
