Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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