I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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