my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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