I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
