So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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