ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
