At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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