i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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