i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
