right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
