evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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