shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
