I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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