No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arbyβs curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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