just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
