The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
