help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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