there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
