Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
