I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
