so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
