Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
